Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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