when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
