Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
