You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
