she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
