I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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