I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
