It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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