Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
