Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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