He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
