She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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