You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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