I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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