I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
