Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
