not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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