I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
