apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
