this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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