i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
