um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
