so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
