What did we do last night that was yellow?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
