And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
