Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
