I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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