So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
