Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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