I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Drake has all the answers
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize