Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
There was a lot of him and a little penis
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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