You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You pole danced in your parka.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
