I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I have post one night stand depression
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
