the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
