I'm so fucking centered right now
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
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