I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
