oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's rum buckets o'clock
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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