Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
