We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
