I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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