New invention idea: vibrating tampons
there's paper in my vomit.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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