Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
