I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
