cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just googled if crying burns calories
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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