Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize