It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
