Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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