its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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