if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
vagina is talking i cant
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
