Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
