You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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