good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
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you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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