my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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