Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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