if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
