apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My breasts were aching with rage.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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