dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
