watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
