We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize