the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
