My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
