why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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