How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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