rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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