You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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