The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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