And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
