i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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